New York City

There is a light that overwhelms the darkness.

There is freedom from the chains that bind us. 

Jesus, Jesus! 

(From Chris' new song "Jesus")

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I am sitting here on a plane at 35,000 feet reflecting over the last year. I should have been on this plane one year ago but the Lord has other plans for me. 

I just finished listening to this past weekend's sermon from church. We recently started a new series on the book of Exodus. The story of God's redemption of His people. Freedom from slavery. 

The theme of this sermon was "God is working his plan and keeps His promises. The plan of God rarely plays out like we plan."

My plan last summer was to take a trip to New York City. One of my very favorite cities. My husband, sister and mother-in-law had planned to take a trip to see Chris in concert at Madison Square Garden. God had other plans. 

Instead of being in New York, I sat in a chemo chair. I spent hours hanging my head over a toilet. I spent many nights crying myself to sleep wondering if I would live to see my babies grow up. I cried when my hair fell out around this time last year. I wrestled with God to understand why He would allow this to happen. 

Thankfully the Lord is patient and kind. Even though I wasn't sure of his kindness then. 

At the end of the sermon I just finished, my pastor said "sometimes God lets you endure your greatest fears just to bring you through it so you don't live in the chains of that fear your entire life."

Wow. Yes, Holy Spirit I heard you loud and clear. Cancer was my greatest fear. I lived always imagining that one day the worst would happen to me. I would be punished one day for the sins of my past. I lived believing lies that couldn't be furtherest from the truth. The Lord not only walked me through this fear and healed me of cancer, but he showed me that his son Jesus had forever broken the power of that fear over my life. He forever broke the chains of fear in my life. Can I get an amen? Did you read what I just said? If not, read it again...

God walked me through my greatest fear to show me the power of that fear had been forever broken when Jesus died on the cross. 

I was created for more. The Lord intended more for my life. He never intends any of us to live in bondage to our fears, our guilt, or our shame. My season of suffering was for my good. Even in doubting His goodness, the Lord continued to show his loving grace to me. But, He couldn't carry out his purposes in my life until He had all of me. These fears were holding me back and keeping me from complete surrender. 

So today, he has given me another glimpse of his sweet mercy. I am sitting on a plane next to my amazing husband (who is sleeping). We are meeting his brother and wife in one of my favorite cities. We will spend this weekend celebrating life and all that God is doing in and through our lives. God is at work. He is continually reminding me of his goodness and working out all of my messes. 

My story is just a small piece of His greater story. I am honored He chose me to join in His greater purpose. This month is Ovarian Cancer Awareness month. As most of you know, I started a nonprofit organization several months ago in hopes to help women just like me. Women whose lives were suddenly interrupted and forever changed. Hearing those words, "you have cancer" forever changes you. As hard as those few months were, I wouldn't change one thing. Well, maybe one thing! It would've been nice to not have been so sick. Haha! But, seriously, I am blown away at all the Lord is doing. He has introduced me to a whole new world. A world I would have never voluntarily joined. 

Back in the fall, He laid it on my heart to help my new community of fellow ovarian cancer sisters. He called me to be his hands and feet. I have met several amazing women over the last few months... Survivors and other women whose family or friends have been affected by ovarian cancer. We all have one purpose.... To help everyone know more about this horrific deadly disease. These ladies are warriors in the fight and have devoted their lives to the fight against ovarian cancer. 

I will be honest and say there have been several times over the last month where fear and doubt has set in. Am I really suppose to be doing this? Was this from my flesh and not His will?  Anything new takes time to grow and develop. Again, I was trying to step in and control my circumstances. Not trusting in His good and perfect plan. My fear of failure being revealed. The words spoken in this sermon today were perfect timing. His plan is perfect. I am on God's timeframe and not my own. Just as he kept his promises to Abraham, He will fulfill his promises in my life. He is good. He is faithful. His plan is perfect. 

Thank you Jesus for life and for your sovereignty over all things. I thank you for being patient with me. I thank you for revealing to me my sins so that I could lay those down at the foot of the cross. You are enough. May this all be for your glory. Every single day. May I never stop telling of your goodness. 

You can read more about the Team Holly Foundation on our website

www.teamhollyfoundation.org

We are praying for the Lord to lead people to join us in our efforts to help women affected by ovarian cancer. We are the first organization in the Dallas area that provides tangible assistance directly to women affected. There are some amazing organizations in the DFW area I'm excited to partner with for a greater purpose. To spread awareness. To raise money for research for a cure. But my heart is with these women. I desire to share with them the hope I have been given. I truly believe it's the little things that mean the most. The gift of tangible items or financial assistance. Though they seem menial to some, I can promise you they aren't. My goal is to share the light of Jesus in this very dark world of ovarian cancer. 

Jesus, it's all for you. 

You are worth every second. 

Towards the end of my flight after I had finished writing this post, I kept sensing the Lord wanting me to talk to the lady sitting next to me. So I did. She had a cute short haircut, but a style that seemed all too familiar. Could she have had cancer? Well, the answer is yes. She just finished her treatment recently for breast cancer. We had an amazing conversation and an instant connection. A bond that can never be broken. The connection between survivors.. I am so thankful I spoke to her. She is a precious lady with a beautiful family. Terry, I will be praying for you as you complete your journey. His mercies are new every morning. 

P.S. All my cancer markers were normal at my recent visit! I go back in December ❤️