Today I am going in for my annual “woman” check with Dr.
Smith, my amazing OB/GYN. My oncologist, Dr. Oh, wanted me to have an ultrasound
at my visit today to look and make sure there were no new cysts. As I have been
preparing for today, I see how much the Lord has grown my faith. I am not a
worried hot mess this morning. I can feel the enemy trying to creep in and
plant seeds of doubt or play on any fears I may have. I have been praying against
that and have asked family and friends to join in that effort. As it says in
Ephesians 6:13-18
13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to
withstand in the
evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14 Stand
therefore, having
fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by
the gospel of peace. 16 In
all circumstances take up the
shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17 and
take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication.
God has
given us tools to fight against the enemy. We just have to remember to use them.
In my time
with Jesus this week, I read in Matthew about the story where Jesus walks on
water (Matthew 14:22-33). This takes
place soon after Jesus performs the miracle of feeding five thousand people
from a few loaves of bread. When they were done, Jesus sent the disciples to
their boat to go back across the other side of the lake. While they did this,
Jesus went into the hills alone to pray. While the disciples were in the boat,
a huge storm came upon them, and they were scared. Then they saw something in
the distance and were scared it was a ghost, but it was Jesus. He was walking
on the water towards them. Then here comes the good part. When the disciple
Peter walks on water… watch this video, there’s a huge lesson here.
I love this
story for so many reasons. I mean seriously, can you imagine seeing anyone walk
on water? Seems completely impossible, something we just couldn’t wrap our
minds around. When the disciples were in the boat about to head out, we see in
the video a great picture of their doubt, their frustrations and their lack of
faith. At this point, they have seen numerous miracles performed by Jesus and
yet they still doubted. I don’t know about you but that makes me feel a little
bit better about myself. I am not the only idiot out there. I mean these guys
actually saw miracles with their own eyes, we just read about them. Well, that’s
a lie. We see miracles every day but we attribute them to man and not our
Savior. But the point is, they saw them and they still doubted. I don’t feel as
bad in times I am doubting. It’s human nature, it’s our sinful nature and it’s
completely natural and easy to do.
When Jesus
came towards them walking on the water, Peter calls out to him and says “Lord,
if it is really you, tell me to come to you by walking on water.” (Matthew
14:28). Jesus responds with “All right, come.” (verse 29). As we see in the
video, Peter focuses on Jesus and the unimaginable happens. As he keeps his
eyes completely focused on Jesus, he begins to walk on water. But then his
sinful nature took over. The second he turned back and looked, the very second
he took his eyes off Jesus, he sank. In that moment Jesus reached out and
grabbed him and saved him and said “You don’t have much faith, why did you
doubt me?” (verse 31).
There are two
points here I want each of you to understand.
1. We are all “Peter”.
I am Peter. You are Peter. We are all Peter. Every single day of our
lives. I strive to not be, but its human nature. It’s in me and it’s who I am.
I long to solely keep my eyes on Jesus. But it’s inevitable that I will look
back, I will look down and I will look all around. The distractions of this
life, the guilt and pain from the past, the fear of looking ahead into the
future, the anxiety of looking around at everything else that is going on. Life
happens and we lose sight of Jesus. Then
we sink. We begin to drown when we take our eyes off him. Thankfully every
single time He picks us back up. But it may not be immediately. It may be that
he lets us struggle for a while, but every single time He rescues us.
2.
Anything can happen when we keep our
eyes on Jesus.
Miracles happen every day. We are faced with the impossible every day. That
looks differently in each of our lives. But, we are strategically placed in
positions in our life where the journey seems impossible. For me, it was
cancer. The good news is that Jesus
enters in to our journey no matter what it is. In faith we trust him and we
follow him and it happens. The
impossible. It’s when we fix our eyes on Him. The One who made us, the One
who saved us, and the One who is waiting to lead us. I wrote about this in a
previous post, but I remember clearly this summer a moment when the Lord was
speaking this very thing to me. We were driving back from our vacation in
Florida, just a short week after my cancer diagnosis. We were headed back to
reality and a huge unknown. A pet scan, chemotherapy, not knowing if I cancer anywhere
else. So many unknowns. I was drowning. I was so overwhelmed at the thought of
all the possibilities. I was literally drowning and suffocating in my fears. As
I was driving, the rest of my family was asleep. As I was driving I clearly
heard the Holy Spirit speaking to me and telling me
“Just keep your eyes on me. Just like you are keeping your eyes on the
road ahead to drive and not run off the road. Keep your eyes on me. Don’t look
around or behind you. Keep your eyes on me. I will carry you through. This road
will be ugly and it will be hard. But I will never leave you. Keep your eyes on
me.”
So I did. It was hard and it still is. It is hard for all of us. Especially
when life gets real. When there is pain, when there is struggle, when there is suffering.
It is extremely difficult. It was something and it is still something I have a
hard time doing. I have to constantly remind myself to just look to him. Focus
on Him. Who he is. What he has done in my life. Trusting he will continue to do
good. That he will continue to do the impossible.
So today, I am going in for an ultrasound to look at my ovary. There
could be another cyst there and there could be nothing. But, I am trust Him and
believing He is enough. No matter what. For me to live is Christ, to die is
gain. No matter what Jesus is enough.
Every single day, Jesus may it all be for you. In my suffering and
difficulties, may you be glorified. May you use my pain for your gain. My
prayer is that someone will know YOU better or know you for the first time
because of my journey.
#teamholly
#jesusitsallforyou
#cancersucks
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