Week 3 started off well. We spent the weekend at the lake
house for a quick, last minute getaway. It was nice to get away. I spent a lot
of last week down and out for the count. Friday, things seemed to turn around
and I had a great weekend with my precious family. I went this morning for my weekly Tuesday treatment
and labs. Tuesdays (on the off weeks) are my quick and easy days. I expected
the same this morning, but I haven’t really followed the rules yet so far.
Maybe it’s the dreaded “curse of the nurse” J
I got my IV and was ready to go and my sweet nurse Stephanie came and showed me
the CBC results I just had drawn. My white blood count and neutrophil counts
were both really low. Your white blood cells are the part of your blood that
fights off infection. She called my Dr. and he said to skip my IV med today and
that I would need a shot today and tomorrow to stimulate production of my white
blood cells.
I was pretty bummed. This
was not in the “plan”. I am not sure what it means exactly that I will miss
the treatment this week. I will ask that question for sure when I see Dr. Oh on
Monday.
The rest of the week includes the additional shot tomorrow
and then I have to do another set of pulmonary function tests. One of the
medications on my regimen can cause lung issues, so this is routine monitoring
they do as part of my treatment plan. My first set was perfect. All that
running and working out paid off. I expect this one will be the same. I will
have it done after every cycle. Then I will have to follow up with a
pulmonologist (lung doctor) as well.
Today, Emma and I went shopping for a wig. I have to be
honest and very superficial here. This is going to be very traumatic for me. I
know hair is hair and the loss is temporary but it’s an outward sign of what is
going on inside. Another BIG reality check. I have started losing some hair. Today
it’s been coming out by the handfuls. Makes me sick to my stomach every single
time I pull some out.
Will
my husband look at me the same way every again? Will my children be scared of
me? Will people stare at me in public now?
I do see this as an opportunity for the Lord to break
another stronghold on my heart. In a previous post, I
talked about my struggles with having a “perfect” body. For years, I have
wanted to weigh a certain number or look a certain way. Hair was part of that.
I love getting my hair done, fixed. I love to feel beautiful. What girl doesn’t?
The problem lies though in the way it controlled me and consumed my thoughts. I
put too much energy into accomplishing this unrealistic goal. Since surgery & diagnosis, I’ve lost about 15 pounds. Stress, sickness, etc. Not healthy by any means. But
here I am now, weighing what I would’ve died to weigh a year ago. All the
things I use to put so much emphasis on… I could care less. I may be skinny,
but soon enough I will be bald too. Not exactly the scenario I would’ve ever
wished for. Thankfully the Lord is patient with me. He is teaching me to find
my worth and significance in Him alone. Not by worldly standards. The world
says to look this way, act this way, wear these things… the Lord says “I made
you just the way you are. Take care of yourself and honor ME with your life.
Don’t question my works. I made you.”
Yes Lord, I will trust you. You love me more than anyone else ever
could. I am sorry for every doubting your marvelous works.
Lord, I pray you will continue to humble me and mold me into
all that you created me to be. May I honor you every step of this journey.
Thank you for fighting for me. Thank you that I can just rest in You!
Proverbs
16:9 - We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our
steps.
Urgent Prayer
Requests:
1). Improvement in my
white blood cell counts.
·
They will need to be better for me to start
round 2 on Monday. I certainly don’t want to delay that.
2). Protection over all infections.
·
I will pretty much be confined to my house until
Monday. Otherwise, I would be the person out in public wearing a mask. I don’t
want to cause a mass panic in people thinking I have Ebola or something.
3). Round 2 starts on Monday. It will be the same as
previous time. Every day, Monday thru Friday.
·
Good nutrition this week leading up to round 2.
·
Protection over my body and sickness from the
chemo. They are making a few adjustments to hopefully prevent the horrible
nausea/vomiting I had during round 1.
·
Family and friends helping us out with meals,
childcare and taking me to chemo.
4). Continual
protection over my mind. Pray the enemy wouldn’t find a place in my mind to get
me while I am down. Hair loss is going to be a very hard part of the journey
for me. Lord, remind me that this is a temporary part of my journey. May I keep
my eyes on you continually.
Jesus,
this is all for you. #teamholly
Oh Holly girl, God is using you through this journey to speak some necessary truth and give perspective!! I agree, I put so much emphasis on body, hair, weight...thank you for yet again pointing all of us to HIM!!! Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteI will be praying hard that your white blood cell count goes up. We want you ready for round two. Thank you again for your words.
ReplyDeleteI look toward to seeing your post come through, it stops me in my tracks every time and I sit and read your words praying for you through every one. Praying these request along with you, and that he be enough in every moment.
ReplyDelete