Whatever lies before us...

The sun comes up, it’s a new day dawning.

It’s time to sing your song again.

Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me.

Let me be singing when the evening comes.

Bless the Lord O my soul, O my soul.

Worship His holy name.

Sing like never before. O my soul.

I’ll worship your holy name.

  

Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me. We have had almost two months to prepare for this, yet I don’t feel ready. Whatever lies before me… Let me be singing… Bless the Lord.

Reid goes to the heart cath lab in less than a week. The first time didn’t work out so well for us. My mind is already trying to drift “there”. The what-ifs… the fears… What if his heart pressures are not better? What if he isn’t a candidate for future heart surgeries? I will be honest. I have been wrestling these last few weeks with the Lord.

Lord, you didn’t bring him to us just to take him away did you? We just got him.

I know you have big plans for Him. You’ve already shown your grace and mercy over his life. You have already shown your sovereign hand every step of this process. Only you God.

The other night I was rocking Reid and praying over him and healing for his heart. I prayed for when he goes to the cath lab that his numbers will be perfect. So perfect that it will leave his medical team him in awe and wonder how this could happen. And we would say Only God. Because he’s the only way any of this is even possible, right? As I was praying, Reid was just smiling away at me. Ugh, cue the ugly cry tears.  I swear he is wise beyond his sweet months. Reid knows. It's not about anything we can do, but what only the Lord can do. 

Typically at this point, babies like Reid, their oxygen level is in the 60s-70s because they’ve outgrown the artificial shunt to provides blood to their lungs. But Reid’s is still holding strong in the low 80s most of the time. Only God.

So much of this process leads me back to my own journey with cancer two years ago. Begging and bargaining with the Lord to allow me/him to survive. Trusting my way is better than the Lord’s. In hindsight now I look back over the last two years and see all the Lord has done in my life. He took me deeper than I could’ve ever imagined and my faith is stronger than I could’ve ever imagined. All of that had meaning. It had purpose.

And here we are. Next week we will hand our baby over to a team of doctors to see what lies before us. Surgery or no surgery. It’s so weird to say this, but my prayer is that he would be able to have surgery.

Every single day of Reid’s life has been ordained. His life has meaning. His life has purpose. Lord, help me/us to trust in your plan. To fully trust that you love him more than we ever could. Lord, I never imagined I could’ve loved him this much. Now I can’t imagine our lives without him. I pray that we don’t have to. I pray you continue to perform miracles over and over in his life so that we can continue to share our story. I pray that we can continue to speak of your faithfulness and saving hand in our lives.

Before you were born, I set you apart. Jeremiah 1:5

Oh to have the faith of Abraham. He never flinched. He led his son up to the altar to sacrifice because the Lord asked him to. Reid you are my Isaac. Next week I will have to lay you down and trust your life to the Lord.

So for now, I will keep praying. I will take every thought captive and focus on what we know to be true. I will keep trusting in your plan Lord, above any plan I could ever come up with in my own mind. In the meantime, I will savor the moments this week with my family. I will rock him a little longer. I will snuggle him a little tighter. I will keep telling him how the Lord will heal his heart and how the world will see what a miracle he is. I will take a mental note of every single smile Reid gives us this week. I will keep telling him about Jesus. 

Whatever may pass, whatever lies before me. Let me be singing….

Whatever may happen, may be continue to praise only You Jesus. May we always honor you.

Jesus, it’s all for you.

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