Living in Freedom as a Woman

When God says Have you ever been waiting on something to happen or a prayer to be answered and God Says “not yet”? My guess is yes. Some of you are thinking right now about how that exact moment made you feel. The pain. The anger. The frustration. The wrestling. November 3rd was Reid’s last court date. This was where the biological parents’ rights were officially terminated and the judge approved moving forward with adoption. We were told adoption would be this week. Last week when our lawyer requested legal documents to request our adoption date she realized his name was incorrect on all the documents. His last name was listed as the bio mom and not the bio dad, which is what is on his birth certificate. Unfortunately at no point in the 8 months he’s been in CPS custody did anyone notice this. We hoped this would be simply resolved with a piece of paper. Sadly it’s not. The assistant district attorney has said this is not sufficient and we have to essentially start the...

Life as we know it. Thanksgiving has come and gone. Now we approach the Christmas holiday. Already feeling the pressures to check every box while longing to just be. To savor the sounds, the smells, the lights. The ornaments that now hang on my tree that once hung on my grandmothers. Trying to keep my children centered around the true meaning of Christmas so they don't get lost in the way of the world and greed that can overtake this time of year. You know the kind that people get trampled over for on Black Friday. The kind that people get shot over a pair of Air Jordans. Ain't doing it.   Oh my word, I could get lost in this lady's videos laughing until I wet myself. All kidding aside, you know there are times I long to have the stillness and closeness to the Lord I had while I was undergoing chemo/treatment. I wasn't working at the time. I just had time with me and the Lord. Such a sweet time that I will never forget. I long for that stillness on so many days when m...

I sit here in a darkened ICU room. Everything all so familiar. The sounds, the smells, the people. Except this time it is totally different. This time I'm on the other side of the crib. This time I'm holding my son. This time it will be my son who is having open heart surgery.   Countless times I've been the one to get a child ready to go to the operating room. Straighten all the IV tubings in my typical OCD fashion. You would think we got awards for the neatest ICU bed. But no, that was just one of the innate characteristics of being an ICU nurse. Everything had to be in its place. The pumps in order, the lines straightened, the bed clean. Patient ready. All of those I enjoyed doing. Ultimately though it was my way of controlling a horrible situation. I mean let's me honest, it's not normal for babies to be sick in an ICU. It's actually awful. Being a nurse in the ICU taught me so many things about life, but I never imagined what it would prepare...

The sun comes up, it’s a new day dawning. It’s time to sing your song again. Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me. Let me be singing when the evening comes. Bless the Lord O my soul, O my soul. Worship His holy name. Sing like never before. O my soul. I’ll worship your holy name.     Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me. We have had almost two months to prepare for this, yet I don’t feel ready. Whatever lies before me… Let me be singing… Bless the Lord. Reid goes to the heart cath lab in less than a week. The first time didn’t work out so well for us. My mind is already trying to drift “there”. The what-ifs… the fears… What if his heart pressures are not better? What if he isn’t a candidate for future heart surgeries? I will be honest. I have been wrestling these last few weeks with the Lord. Lord, you didn’t bring him to us just to take him away did you? We just got him. I know you have big plans for Him. You’ve already shown y...

moth·er noun: a woman in relation to her child or children. Verb: bring up (a child) with care and affection. Today is Mother’s Day. May 14, 2017. I have done a lot of reflecting this morning over the last year. Life looks so much different than last Mother’s Day . My journey as a mother changed drastically about 5 weeks ago. It has given me an entirely new perspective on being a mother. One I would love to share with you. There are so many of you women that are mothers. There are just as many probably that are not. Whether it is your choice or not. Not all of us are on in the same place. More than anything, I pray for those of you who aren’t and long to be. My intention is to not make you sad or mad when you read this. Know you are prayed for and thought of. I think about my lifelong friends. There is a group of us that still regularly get together and celebrate life. We have been friends over 20 years and we still try to be intentional about our time together. I...

I have been thinking out this post in my head for a week now. I am fully trusting the Lord to use these thoughts and words from Him to change your life as they have mine. Ten days ago our life changed forever. Our family of four became a family of 5 in an instant. Not much preparation. No third trimester to nest and get everything perfectly “ready” to bring home a new baby. With the grace of God we are doing well. We are all adjusting to our new normal as well as we can be. Reid Samuel Tomlin joined our family on April 5, 2017. Although it’s not legal, we have given him this name as our son that we anxiously await the day we can make it final. The day we can officially put our stamp on him. The day we can officially adopt him into our family. Lord willing, that day will be in October; 6 months from the day he joined our family. Many of the details surrounding Reid’s life will remain private for some time as there are confidentiality rules we must follow. What I can tell you is...

I remember a time when I was pregnant with Will and I had gone in to see Dr. Smith for one of my routine check-ups. It was time to sign consents for my repeat C-section. I was unable to have Emma the “regular” way so I didn’t bother even trying to with Will. I remember having the conversation with Dr. Smith asking about a tubal ligation. I was done having children. At thirty years of age, I had it all planned out. One of each, I’m good. My little family I had dreamed of and planned for. We were almost there! I can only imagine the thoughts that ran through her mind, but she talked to me about how that was a permanent decision. I was only 30. Things could change. My feelings could change. Making decisions like this is probably not the best when you’ve been dry heaving for months and carrying around a basketball that kicks your ribs every 3 minutes. But I was sure. No more. I would not go through another pregnancy again. She agreed to let me sign the consents to do the tubal ligation a...