Skip to main content

Repeat Sono

Well, this post will be short and sweet. Great news is I had a repeat sono this week that showed my cyst is smaller. My oncologist was happy to hear this and said that's good if it's smaller because cancer doesn't get smaller on its own. Reassuring! His nurse Paige has been a God send. Listening to my worries over and over again, all the while providing such sweet encouragement and support. 

I won't lie though... This week has been awful. I've been an emotional mess. Life, work, health. I feel like I'm standing still in the midst of a whirlwind. Like I said last post, two people I know have been diagnosed with ovarian cancer in the last week. For something so rare to happen twice, just awful. I have grieved for them knowing what they are about to endure. I have grieved for myself relieving the time I was diagnosed. My mind has been all over the place knowing I have a cyst we are watching and then having other symptoms as well. Going into yesterday I was terrified of it being much larger. Again, so thankful for the results I got. 
This phase in my journey has been so very difficult. It seems at every turn there's been something. A new cyst. Surgery. Another new cyst. Worrying about if symptoms I am having are related, is it cancer again or am I just nuts. Typically it's the latter but you get my point. I was listening to a sermon this week that hit home pretty hard. Matt Chandler was talking about how every time he goes in for a scan there's fresh fears and anxiety that surfaces. I didn't feel so guilty when I heard him say that. I mean if anyone loves Jesus. It's that dude. And he still worries and has anxiety about his cancer coming back. But there's a right way and wrong way to handle it. Here's a link to the sermon here...
I highly recommend listening to it if you have ever or will ever worry about anything. Which should be every single one of you :) Another thing he said hit home...

"The bottom line in most fear and anxiety is you don't simply trust God is good." 

I still have so much to process and work through. I am praying that in this valley the Lord would build my confidence back up in him. There's still work to be done in my heart. I still have trust issues. I have good days and I have bad days. We all do. Life is hard. As James tells us that WHEN trials come, count it all as joy. Not if they come, but when. It may not be cancer for you. But I am certain it's something. Everyone of us has something we are tightly holding onto. We can't be led by God if our hands are tied/full. Every single one of us will walk through a season or maybe a lifetime of suffering. It's not meaningless. Every single moment is worth it and God can be glorified through it. 
In this season, I am praying for the Holy Spirit to continue to show me his mercy. I am a bit stubborn and tend to live in my own strength. Hence why I am so exhausted. Lord help me to continue to trust you in the valleys like I do on the mountain tops. You are good. 

Love this song and the weight of the lyrics ... 
Though you slay me, yet I will praise you. 


Lifting up my teal sisters tonight. Lord continue to fight for them.. May they be healed of this horrific disease, but ultimately may we all find freedom in You, our Savior. 

Jesus, it's all for you.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Pathology results...

07.09.15 Well I must say, this is not the post I expected to be making this week. Today has not turned out as to be expected. I was supposed to return back to work today after recovering from surgery last week. I woke up and had this sense that I should just work from home for a few hours and then go in for a short time before I head to my post-op appointment. Around 9:30am my phone started ringing, the caller ID read it was my OB’s office. Why would she be calling me when I am going in to see her in a few short hours?   It was Dr. Smith. She said she had gotten the pathology results of my cyst. The pathologist there had even sent it off to another institution to confirm their suspicions. It was indeed a cancerous tumor on my ovary. Gulp . That was the first of many moments today that took my breath away, and not in a good way. Dr. Smith also told me that when she performed the surgery, there were no signs anywhere of anything suspicious. They also did a “washout” and se...
2 comments
Read more

Me

Today is my 34 th birthday. For the last few weeks, I have been sharing with my close friends that 34 is really hitting me harder than any of the 30s. Not necessarily in a bad way, just more so in a reflective way. For so much of my life, I have spent more time and effort on trying to be someone I am not or trying to appear to be something I am not. I am certain I am not the only woman that falls into this category either. The world makes us feel that we have to look a certain way, act a certain way, be a certain kind of friend, mother, wife. Competition. Perfection. It is when we quickly realize we can’t keep up with these standards that the inadequacy sets in. Like I am less of a woman because I don’t look like a model, I don’t drive that car, have that kind of house, and have those kinds of clothes. I eat fast food; I don’t feed my family all organic or whatever it may be. In this inadequacy, we fall victims to Satan’s evil ways. We give him room to steal our joy, destroy our soul...
2 comments
Read more