Living in Freedom as a Woman

I sit here in a darkened ICU room. Everything all so familiar. The sounds, the smells, the people. Except this time it is totally different. This time I'm on the other side of the crib. This time I'm holding my son. This time it will be my son who is having open heart surgery.   Countless times I've been the one to get a child ready to go to the operating room. Straighten all the IV tubings in my typical OCD fashion. You would think we got awards for the neatest ICU bed. But no, that was just one of the innate characteristics of being an ICU nurse. Everything had to be in its place. The pumps in order, the lines straightened, the bed clean. Patient ready. All of those I enjoyed doing. Ultimately though it was my way of controlling a horrible situation. I mean let's me honest, it's not normal for babies to be sick in an ICU. It's actually awful. Being a nurse in the ICU taught me so many things about life, but I never imagined what it would prepare...

The sun comes up, it’s a new day dawning. It’s time to sing your song again. Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me. Let me be singing when the evening comes. Bless the Lord O my soul, O my soul. Worship His holy name. Sing like never before. O my soul. I’ll worship your holy name.     Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me. We have had almost two months to prepare for this, yet I don’t feel ready. Whatever lies before me… Let me be singing… Bless the Lord. Reid goes to the heart cath lab in less than a week. The first time didn’t work out so well for us. My mind is already trying to drift “there”. The what-ifs… the fears… What if his heart pressures are not better? What if he isn’t a candidate for future heart surgeries? I will be honest. I have been wrestling these last few weeks with the Lord. Lord, you didn’t bring him to us just to take him away did you? We just got him. I know you have big plans for Him. You’ve already shown y...

moth·er noun: a woman in relation to her child or children. Verb: bring up (a child) with care and affection. Today is Mother’s Day. May 14, 2017. I have done a lot of reflecting this morning over the last year. Life looks so much different than last Mother’s Day . My journey as a mother changed drastically about 5 weeks ago. It has given me an entirely new perspective on being a mother. One I would love to share with you. There are so many of you women that are mothers. There are just as many probably that are not. Whether it is your choice or not. Not all of us are on in the same place. More than anything, I pray for those of you who aren’t and long to be. My intention is to not make you sad or mad when you read this. Know you are prayed for and thought of. I think about my lifelong friends. There is a group of us that still regularly get together and celebrate life. We have been friends over 20 years and we still try to be intentional about our time together. I...

I have been thinking out this post in my head for a week now. I am fully trusting the Lord to use these thoughts and words from Him to change your life as they have mine. Ten days ago our life changed forever. Our family of four became a family of 5 in an instant. Not much preparation. No third trimester to nest and get everything perfectly “ready” to bring home a new baby. With the grace of God we are doing well. We are all adjusting to our new normal as well as we can be. Reid Samuel Tomlin joined our family on April 5, 2017. Although it’s not legal, we have given him this name as our son that we anxiously await the day we can make it final. The day we can officially put our stamp on him. The day we can officially adopt him into our family. Lord willing, that day will be in October; 6 months from the day he joined our family. Many of the details surrounding Reid’s life will remain private for some time as there are confidentiality rules we must follow. What I can tell you is...

I remember a time when I was pregnant with Will and I had gone in to see Dr. Smith for one of my routine check-ups. It was time to sign consents for my repeat C-section. I was unable to have Emma the “regular” way so I didn’t bother even trying to with Will. I remember having the conversation with Dr. Smith asking about a tubal ligation. I was done having children. At thirty years of age, I had it all planned out. One of each, I’m good. My little family I had dreamed of and planned for. We were almost there! I can only imagine the thoughts that ran through her mind, but she talked to me about how that was a permanent decision. I was only 30. Things could change. My feelings could change. Making decisions like this is probably not the best when you’ve been dry heaving for months and carrying around a basketball that kicks your ribs every 3 minutes. But I was sure. No more. I would not go through another pregnancy again. She agreed to let me sign the consents to do the tubal ligation a...

The weight of this week has been so heavy. Life really sucks some days. It is by no accident that the sermon given at church by our pastor was on suffering and how to respond in times of suffering. Although I didn’t know what would come later in the week, the Lord did. Nothing dramatic or earth shattering happened personally in my life. It did in a friend’s though. Overall, it’s just been a very emotional, heavy week. One that leaves you asking “why God?”. As Pastor Hunter reminded us on Sunday, God is always in control. He keeps his promises. Always. And only God can save us. Period. Having an eternal perspective during the times in our lives when it hurts and we don’t understand. But it really hurts.   I have a very dear friend that’s been in a valley and wrestling with life. She’s been so heavy on my heart this week. The “fixer” in me wants to help her and solve all her problems, yet there’s nothing I can do but love her and offer any words of wisdom the Lord gives me. Th...

"You make me brave You make me brave You call me out beyond the shore into the waves You make me brave You make me brave No fear can hinder now the love that made a way"       Life after cancer. I have to say, even one year later, I am still trying to find my way. There’s not one day that goes by that I don’t: Think of cancer. Forget the fear that once consumed my mind. Remember how terrible the chemo made me feel. The look on my family’s face when I was diagnosed. Look into the mirror and see a complete stranger with poufy, curly hair. If I had a dollar for every time someone has said to me, “I don’t know how you did it. I could never..” . Well I said the same thing. I don’t know what I would do if I had cancer. There’s no way! It really all still seems so surreal. I am actually finally to the point where people wouldn’t know by just looking at me. All the staring has finally ended.    Over the last year, since I started ...