Living in Freedom as a Woman

 " She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the   Lord   will be greatly praised. ”   P roverbs 31:25, 30 Several weeks ago, a dear friend of mine came to our house to take some family pictures. Honestly, when she first told me she wanted to do this for our family I wanted to say “no”. Why in the world would I want to take pictures? I do not want to remember how I look. I have always loved taking family pictures. Talk about wasted time and energy though. Finding the perfect family outfits, getting children dressed and hair fixed perfectly, a husband who hates having pictures made. Sounds glorious, huh? I am sure none of you have any idea what I am talking about. J Before cancer, my outward appearance was something I struggled with; definitely an idol. More like a bottomless pit of dissatisfaction with my looks and my weight; the defea...

It’s been a few weeks since my last post. I went for my first checkup with Dr. Oh on Monday, October 12 th . Everything went great. I had labs drawn and all were normal. I can officially say I am in remission at this time. My doctor told me the chances of the cancer coming back are very low but it’s something that I will remain under close follow-up over the next few years. I go back in December to get a scan and see him again. I am so thankful for Dr. Oh and his amazing staff. Here he is, along with Paige (his nurse) and Jennifer (his scheduler and fellow ovarian cancer survivor- Praise God!!)  Me & Dr. Oh  Me & Paige Me & Jennifer Last weekend, I should’ve gotten “Wife of the Year Award”. I surprised Cory with tickets to go to the Texas A&M vs Alabama game in College Station. He was so excited and we had a great time despite the loss. We were able to catch up with some great friends and enjoy a kid-free day together. This past wee...

Since my last post, I completed my chemotherapy treatment on September 29 th . What a great day. My counts were actually all high enough to get treatment. Cory was with me and my sweet Daddy joined us too. It was such a special day having him there.  I rang the bell proudly. Here’s the video … It’s been about a week and a half since I rang that bell. I have experienced so many emotions since that day. Much different than I expected. I anticipated being so happy; transitioning back to life pretty easily and getting back to reality and my routine activities. What my mind believes does not translate to the reality my body is feeling. That has been very tough for me. I had dinner tonight with my very dear friend Jodie. I was sharing with her how my week had gone, things I had done and things I had originally planned to start doing in the upcoming week. She looked at me like I had three heads. I actually had planned on starting back to Camp Gladiator on Monday. She couldn’t h...

Recalling our date night on Thursday, June 25 th , I remember everything seemed normal except for your Nascar laps around our kitchen area.   Our sitter had arrived and was wrestling with the kids. We went to dinner and came home. Later that night you complained about your stomach hurting.   I went to work the next day, got home the next morning, and we were headed to my brother’s birthday party for the day.   Well, Holly was not in a good place.   She asked me to come feel her abdominal area and stated, “to make sure I am not crazy”.   You laid down on the floor and placed my hand on the area you wanted me to feel and it was obvious at first touch.   I thought to myself, yeah that’s different and not normal.   I thought it might be a red flag if you feel something in your abdominal area that almost covers my entire palm of hand.   I don’t really remember what I said to you, but it wasn’t the most comforting words you have heard since you lost it...

Life is all about choices… or “it’s like a box of chocolates”. LOL! Forest Gump is one of my dad’s favorite movies. I think he could recite every single line. Anyways, back to the point. We all make choices. Every single day. Good ones, bad ones… important ones… minor ones… Some of us are living in the consequences of choices we made years ago. Some of us are living in the fruit of a good choice. I realize more now in these last few months how every choice we make is important. Last week was not a good week. Nothing major happened. I really think just the weight of the last few months finally caught up to me mentally. Really more than anything I just felt tired of this journey. Not necessarily questioning why it was happening; but more of just longing to feel “normal” again. To not wake up and feel nauseous every single day. To be able to make it through the day without being completely wiped out, to have hair again. Truly it feels like some days that I will never feel normal again....

O the Blood- Gateway Worship (Kari Jobe) O the blood of Jesus washes me O the blood of Jesus shed for me What a sacrifice that saved my life   Yes, the blood it is my victory Savior Son Holy One Slain so I can live See the Lamb The Great I Am Who takes away my sin O the blood of the lamb O the blood of the lamb O the blood of the lamb   The precious blood of the lamb What a sacrifice that saved my life Yes the blood, it is my victory.   O what love, no greater love Grace how can it be That in my sin Yes even then He shed His blood for me Thank you for blood. Thank you for your love. Thank you Lord.   My love of music started as a child. As long as I can remember back. My Daddy loves music, he always has. That love transposed into my life as well. Anything from hymns, gospel music to the Eagles and the Doobie Brothers and then the soundtrack from Urban Cowboy. Every road trip we ever took was a full on singing event. We would belt o...

Last week I got a precious gift from my sister.   It was this necklace with the words “Let go” inscribed on it.  Two simple words, yet such a deep and powerful meaning for me. Really sums up my life in the past two months. Before cancer, I worried about my worrying and my lack of surrender to the Lord. So many times people just told me.. “Let it go”. Really? That simple??   Then I felt guilty because I couldn’t just trust enough or believe enough. The bigger issue wasn’t my lack of belief; it was my idol of control.   The definition of “ to let something go ” is to “relinquish one’s grip on someone or something” .   I couldn’t let go . Then came cancer. Showed up out of the blue. This wasn't part of the plan.               Proverbs 16:9             We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps. I do want to clarify something. The Lord didn’t give me cancer as ...